Should I really stop sharing a house with friends?

Living in a shared house with friends may seem fun at first glance. However, it is true that many people end up regretting it once they have actually lived there. Here, we will explain why people say not to do it, and share the experiences of people who have actually lived there.

Common reasons people say "don't do it"

There are several reasons why people say not to share a house with friends. The following problems are likely to occur when you actually start living there.

1. Financial troubles are likely to occur

Because we are all friends, financial rules tend to be vague.

• Late payments on rent or utilities: When one party delays a payment, the other party bears the burden.
• A sense of unfairness in the division of living expenses: This can easily lead to dissatisfaction, such as: "I don't cook much, so I don't understand why we have to split the cost of seasonings."
• Issues with who owns the rent: If the contract is in one person's name, there is a high risk of a dispute when moving out.

2. Differences in lifestyle and values ​​cause stress

Even with close friends, different lifestyles can cause stress.

• Early to bed, early to rise vs. night owl lifestyle: Different work or school schedules can distract from each other's noises.
• Different levels of cleaning and tidying: It's common for me to be very meticulous while my partner never cleans.
• Bath and toilet use overlap: This can lead to competition during busy morning hours.

3. Privacy is hard to maintain

• No time for yourself: There's always someone around, so you can't unwind.
• It's hard to invite friends over: It's stressful when friends of friends come over too often.
• Noise issues: If one person is listening to music or on the phone, the other person can't concentrate.

4. Arguments tend to break out over small things

Small differences that don't bother you in your everyday life can become a big source of stress when you start living together.

• Food management: "Someone drank the juice I bought without my permission"
• How to use shared spaces: "The kitchen is left dirty"
• How to spend time: "I want to relax on my days off, but my partner is so noisy that I can't get any rest."

5. Once a relationship goes wrong, it's hard to repair

• Because they are friends, they tend to be less reserved and emotional conflicts are more likely to occur.
• When a shared house ends, friendships often end as well.

The experiences of people who actually lived there

Case 1: Relationship falls apart due to financial issues

"I was sharing a room with my best friend from college, but we got into an argument over paying the rent. At first we were splitting the rent equally, but then he asked me to pay it for him next month because it was a bit tight. I thought it would be just a one-time thing, so I paid it for him, but the next month he said it was still tight, and before I knew it, I had paid three months' rent. When I told him to pay it back properly, the atmosphere suddenly became tense, and our relationship eventually deteriorated, so we ended up breaking up. I swore I would never live with a friend again."

(25 years old, company employee)

Case 2: Stress caused by differences in values

"I started sharing a house with a friend, but our lifestyles didn't match and it was stressful. I'm a morning person and wanted to go to bed at 11pm, but my friend was a night owl and would leave the TV on until 2am. We also had different levels of frequency when it came to taking out the trash and cleaning. I'm a neat freak, but my friend never tidies up. I kept asking her to clean up, but she would say, "Aren't you worrying too much?" and we ended up fighting. Rather than stressing each other out, I think it would have been easier to just live alone."

(28 years old, self-employed)

Case 3: Privacy issues lead to departure

"We were good friends to begin with, so we started living together in a share house without much thought. But I didn't have as much alone time as I thought I would, and it got stressful. Even when I came home tired from work, he was in the living room and constantly talking to me. When I stayed in my room to change my mood, he would ask me if I was in a bad mood. I started to feel self-conscious even though I was at home, so in the end I told him I wanted some alone time after all, and moved to another house."

(30 years old, working in IT)

The benefits of sharing a house with friends

Sharing a house with friends has many advantages as well as disadvantages. In particular, it has the appeal that living alone does not have, such as reduced financial burden and a sense of mental security. Here, we will explain in detail the main advantages of a shared house.

① We can help each other when something happens.

A big advantage of living with friends is that you can help each other out in times of emergency.

Peace of mind when you get sick

If you live alone, you have no one to rely on when you catch a cold or get sick, and it can be a hassle to go shopping and prepare meals. However, if you live with friends, you can support each other by having them make porridge for you or buy medicine for you.

Help each other when you are busy with work or school

If you are busy at work and come home late for days in a row, you may neglect to clean your room or take out the trash. However, if you have friends, they may help you out by saying, "I took out the trash today." Being able to support each other while living is an advantage unique to a share house.

Easier to respond in an emergency

It's reassuring to know that someone is at home in case you suddenly become unwell or have trouble at home (lost keys, water leaks, etc.). Crime can be a worry, especially for women living alone, but living with friends can make you feel safer.

② It reduces the burden of rent and living expenses

One of the biggest benefits of living in a shared house is that it reduces your financial burden.

You can split the rent

In many cases, you can have more space and pay less rent by sharing a 2DK or 2LDK property with a friend than by living alone in a one-room or 1K property. For example, living alone in Tokyo can cost over 100,000 yen in rent, but if you live with someone else, it can be less than half that amount.

Share utilities and internet bills

When you live alone, you have to pay for all your electricity, gas, water, and internet bills by yourself, but in a shared house, you can split these costs. For example, if you share the Wi-Fi fee, you can significantly reduce your monthly fixed costs.

You can share the cost of purchasing furniture and appliances

When you start living alone, you will need to buy a refrigerator, washing machine, microwave, vacuum cleaner, etc. However, in a shared house, you can share these appliances, which helps to reduce initial costs.

3) People who live alone are less likely to feel lonely

When you live alone, you often feel lonely because there is no one in your room when you come home from work or school. However, in a shared house, you can have the security of knowing that someone is always there.

I have someone to talk to when I get home

When you come home tired from work or school, just having someone to greet you and say "Welcome home" can make you feel better. If you live alone, there may be days that go by without talking to anyone, but in a share house, you can have a quick chat, which helps prevent stress from building up.

Enjoy meals and games together

Living with friends makes it easier to share fun times together, such as saying things like, "Let's have hotpot today," or "Let's watch a movie this weekend." You can get a sense of security like family, which is hard to feel when living alone, and this will lead to mental stability.

Eliminates loneliness and anxiety

Living alone can often make you feel lonely, especially at night and on holidays. However, living in a share house means you can be with friends, which makes your daily life more enjoyable.

④ Communication skills improve through communal living

When you share a house with friends, you will inevitably have more opportunities to communicate, which will help you acquire skills that will be useful in your social life.

Develop the ability to decide rules and coordinate with others

In a shared house, you need to decide on rules in advance, such as the division of household chores and how to use the shared spaces. In the process, you will develop the ability to adjust your opinions and acquire the cooperativeness that will be useful in the workplace and in social life.

Increased opportunities to understand others' values

Living with friends gives you more opportunities to understand other people's values ​​and habits. By learning about different values, such as "I'm very methodical, but the other person doesn't really care," or "Some people are suited to a morning lifestyle, while others are night owls," you can become more flexible in your thinking.

Improve interpersonal skills and apply them to social life

In a share house, it is important to maintain a good distance from others. By learning the balance between "respecting privacy while maintaining appropriate communication," you can acquire the skills to avoid trouble in the workplace and in relationships.

Disadvantages of sharing a house with friends

Living in a shared house with friends can be fun, but in reality, there are many disadvantages. In particular, financial troubles and differences in lifestyles can often lead to strained relationships. Here, we will explain in detail the problems that are likely to occur.

① Financial troubles are likely to occur

One of the most common problems in shared houses is money. When you're just friends, you might think it's okay because you understand each other, but if the rules about money are unclear, it's easy for friendships to be strained.

Late payments for rent or utilities

If one party delays payment, the other party will bear the burden.

・ It's hard to say no when someone says, "This month is tough, so please wait a bit."

・ Sometimes rent is paid in advance and never paid back.

Disputes over who should pay living expenses

・ Sharing food expenses can lead to dissatisfaction, as some people feel that it is unacceptable to have to pay for the seasonings that are purchased together even though they don't cook for themselves.

・I sometimes feel like I'm always buying toilet paper and detergent.

・ Although it started with a spirit of mutual support, dissatisfaction easily accumulates

Borrowing and lending money destroys friendships

・ Start with small amounts, but gradually increase the frequency

・If you keep hearing "Sorry, I'll pay you back next month," it makes you feel uneasy

In the end, people often regret that their relationship ended because of money.

As a countermeasure, it is important to first clearly define the rules regarding money and make sure to strictly prohibit any lending or borrowing.

②Differences in daily rhythms cause stress

Even if you are close friends, different lifestyles can cause problems.

The clash between early risers and night owls

・ Some people go to bed early, but others play games or watch videos until late at night.

・ The other person is woken up by the alarm sound of someone who gets up early in the morning

・ People spend their holidays differently and want to have quiet time on their days off.

Different work and school schedules

・ If work starts at different times, your daily schedules will differ and you will often miss each other.

・People who work the night shift and those who work during the day have completely opposite lifestyles, and the sounds of the other person's daily life can be stressful.

・When my friends are working remotely or taking online classes, the sounds of their conversations and the TV are distracting.

As a countermeasure, it is important to discuss the differences in daily routines in advance and decide on times to be quiet.

3. Conflicts tend to occur over trivial matters

In a shared house, small differences that you wouldn't normally notice can easily lead to stress.

Cleaning and trash disposal rules are not followed

・Even though we decided who would be on cleaning duty, the other person skips the cleaning.

・ They don't put their trash together, or they don't separate it properly

・Even if you tolerate it at first, if it happens repeatedly, you will become annoyed.

Problems with managing food in the refrigerator

・ Someone drank the juice I bought without my permission

・ I can't throw away food even though it's past its expiration date

・ The consumption balance of shared food ingredients is not right and it makes me feel uneasy

How to use the shared space

・ Not cleaning up after using the kitchen

・ The bathroom is occupied for a long time

・Personal belongings are left in the living room

As a countermeasure, it is important to decide on rules from the start, such as rules for cleaning and taking out the trash, how to manage food ingredients, and etiquette for using shared spaces.

4. Once a relationship goes sour, it is difficult to repair it.

Because they are friends, when trouble arises they tend to become emotional and their relationship tends to deteriorate.

The conflict escalates as people become more confident

・ At first, even close friends were polite, but gradually they became brazen.

・ Because we are friends, we assume that others will forgive us, and we become less considerate of each other.

- Small frustrations build up and I always start blaming you for not doing this

It's hard to stay at home when the mood becomes tense

・Once we fight, I don't want to go home.

・ Less conversation, and an awkward atmosphere even in the living room

・ As a result, both of you spend more time away from home, which causes stress.

Ending a share house means ending your friendship

By the time you start to wish you hadn't lived together, it becomes difficult to repair the relationship.

・ In many cases, people ignore each other and end up breaking off friendships

・Even if you leave the share house, it's often awkward and you lose contact

As a countermeasure, it is important to avoid getting emotional, to make the rules clear to each other, and to be prepared to calmly discuss any issues that arise.

Five problems that can occur when sharing a house with friends

Sharing a house with friends can be fun, but actually living together can easily lead to various problems. In particular, there are many cases where relationships deteriorate due to differences in the division of finances and household chores, differences in daily rhythms, and privacy issues. Here we will explain in detail five common problems.

① Money problems are likely to arise (rent and utility bills)

The most common problem in a shared house is money-related. If you don't decide in advance how to share living expenses such as rent and utility bills, it can create a sense of unfairness and lead to arguments.

Trouble paying rent

When a friend delays paying rent, the other person has to pay more.

・ As you repeatedly pay in advance, you become frustrated and wonder when you'll get your money back.

・ If there is only one tenant, it will be difficult to move out if any trouble occurs.

Share of utility and internet fees

・You are saving money, but your partner keeps the air conditioner on

・ If one of you is working remotely, there will be a big difference in electricity usage.

・ A sense of unfairness arises depending on who pays more for internet or daily necessities.

As a countermeasure, it is important to first decide on payment rules and use a household management app or a joint account to clarify payments.

2. Arguments over division of household chores (rules for cleaning and taking out the trash)

In a shared house, residents share common spaces such as the kitchen, living room, and bathroom, so frustration can build up if rules about cleaning and taking out the trash are not followed.

Uneven distribution of cleaning burden

・ One partner is very methodical and loves cleaning, but the other becomes very stressed when he or she doesn't clean often.

・When I tell them to clean up after using it, they tell me it's too fussy, which causes problems.

・ Even if you decide to divide up the roles, if some people don't do them, one person will end up shouldering the burden.

Trouble taking out the trash

・If there is no clear agreement on who is responsible for taking out the trash, trash will be left lying around.

・ When people don't follow the rules and don't use discretion, it causes more stress for the person who has to warn them.

・ Leaving food waste unattended can lead to bad odors and the development of pests.

As a countermeasure, it would be a good idea to set up a rotation system for cleaning and taking out the trash, and use a calendar or checklist to make it visible.

3) Differences in lifestyle can cause stress (differences between being a night owl and being an early riser)

Even between friends, different lifestyles can cause problems. In particular, differences in lifestyles, such as being a night owl or morning owl, can easily lead to stress.

The clash between early risers and night owls

・Even though some people go to bed early, I still play games or watch videos until late at night.

・The alarm clock of someone who gets up early in the morning is too loud and disturbs the other person's sleep.

・ People have different ways of spending their holidays, with some preferring quiet time and others preferring lively time.

Different work and school schedules

・ If work hours are different, daily life schedules will differ and there will be more misunderstandings

・People who work the night shift and those who work during the day have completely opposite lifestyles, and the sounds of the other person's daily life can be stressful.

・When my friends are working remotely or taking online classes, the sounds of their conversations and the TV are distracting.

As a countermeasure, it is important to take measures such as deciding on times to be quiet and using earplugs or noise-canceling functions.

4. It is difficult to secure privacy (it is easy to accumulate stress)

In a shared house, there is a problem that privacy is difficult to maintain because private space is limited.

It's hard to find time for yourself

・When you want to concentrate on work or study, you are bothered by other people's voices and noises.

・ If someone uses a shared space for a long time, you will not be able to use it freely.

・When friends frequently invite acquaintances over, I have less private time

Problems with managing and sharing things

・My food and daily necessities are sometimes used without my permission.

・ Sometimes clothes or accessories are lent and never returned

・ Your living space will be mixed together and you will lose track of what belongs to you.

As a countermeasure, if it is difficult to secure a private room, it is important to create as much private space as possible by installing partitions, etc.

5) Once a relationship breaks down, it is difficult to repair (a fight can lead to an end of friendship).

Because they are friends, they tend to be more open and clash easily over trivial matters. Once a relationship becomes strained, it is often difficult to repair it.

They become more complacent and conflicts escalate.

・ At first, they were cautious, but gradually they became more open and their attitude changed.

・ They think, "It's okay because we're friends," and they lose consideration for each other.

Small grievances pile up and one day suddenly escalate into a big fight.

It's hard to stay at home when the mood becomes tense

・Once we fight, I don't want to go home.

・ Less conversation, and an awkward atmosphere even in the living room

・ One of the people may have to move out, and the share house may be dissolved.

Ending a share house means ending your friendship

・ Many people regret not living together

・ In some cases, living together can lead to people noticing the negative aspects of their partner, leading to a breakup.

・Even if you leave the share house, it's often awkward and you lose contact

As a countermeasure, it is important to decide on rules in advance and calmly discuss any problems that may arise. Keep a reasonable distance between each other and take measures to prevent problems from occurring.

Are there cases where sharing a house with friends works out?

Although there is a risk of trouble occurring when sharing a house with friends, it does not mean that it will fail in all cases. By choosing a compatible partner and clearly defining the rules in advance, it is possible to live together comfortably. Here we will introduce the characteristics of successful cases and tips for success.

Characteristics of compatible friends

Whether or not your shared house life will go well depends largely on the personalities and values ​​of the people you'll be living with. You can expect a smooth cohabitation experience if your friends are:

Similar lifestyles

・ It's easy for stress to build up when an early-to-bed, early-to-rise person and a night owl live together, so it's ideal to live with someone who has a similar lifestyle.

- If you have similar cleaning and tidying habits, there are fewer arguments about how to use shared spaces.

We have the same financial sense

・ If you share the same view on the burden of rent and living expenses, financial troubles are less likely to occur.

・ When a saver and a spender live together, there is a possibility that they will come into conflict over how to spend on utilities and food.

Maintain a reasonable distance

・ Someone who doesn't need to be with me all the time and can cherish their time alone

・ Able to talk and communicate appropriately while also respecting each other's privacy

Responsible and able to follow rules

・ Be able to keep to their cleaning and trash removal duties

・ Be aware of how to use shared spaces and noise etiquette

Even if we fight, we can talk calmly

・ Someone who can calmly discuss differences of opinion without getting emotional

・ You can build a relationship where you can communicate your dissatisfaction without being too patient.

What rules should be decided in advance?

In order to prevent trouble in a shared house, it is important to determine clear rules in advance. By agreeing on the following points, you can prevent dissatisfaction and misunderstandings.

Money Management Rules

- How to pay rent and utility bills (individually or through a joint account)

- How to buy daily necessities and food (decide what to share and what to keep separate)

・ Settlement rules in the event of an advance payment

Rules for sharing household chores

・ Decide who will be in charge of cleaning and taking out the trash, and work on a shift system.

- Clarify rules for using shared spaces (living room, kitchen, bathroom) and cleaning up

- What to do if cleaning is not done (such as giving reminders or imposing penalties)

Rules regarding daily routine

- How noise is generated late at night or early in the morning (TV, music, telephone volume, etc.)

・Rules for inviting friends or loved ones to your home (contact in advance, no long-term stays, etc.)

・Times when baths and washing machines are used

Privacy Rules

・Do not invade other people's personal space without permission

・ Manage your refrigerator and storage space (don't use it without permission, don't steal food)

- Rules for sharing personal items (determining what can be borrowed and lent)

Rules for dealing with problems when they occur

If there are differences of opinion, discuss them calmly.

・ Prepare a way to resolve the issue with a third party (mediating between the share house management company or landlord)

In the worst case scenario, determine the conditions for ending the relationship (such as rules for when one of you moves out).

It is important not to just decide on rules once and then forget about them; it is also important to review them regularly and update them as necessary.

Understanding the difference between room sharing and share houses

Room sharing and share houses are gaining attention as a way to cut housing costs and reduce the loneliness of living alone. However, there are big differences between these two ways of living. To understand which one to choose, let's compare the features, advantages and disadvantages of each.

The basic differences between a share house and a room share

What is a share house?

A share house is a style of living where multiple tenants share common spaces while living under individual contracts. In many cases, there is a management company or manager who acts as an intermediary in any disputes that may arise between tenants.

Share house features

A private room is provided

・Common spaces (kitchen, living room, bathroom)

・ Rent and utility fees are often billed together as a common fee

Frequent turnover of residents

What is room sharing?

Room sharing is a style of renting a property with friends or acquaintances and sharing the rent and utility costs. The contract may be signed by one or more people, but all parties share equal responsibility.

Features of room sharing

・ Residents sign a contract and decide the rules

Decide with your roommates how to use the shared space

・You may need to find a new resident when you move out.

If a problem occurs, you need to solve it yourself

summary

Sharing a house with friends has the advantage of reducing the burden of rent and living expenses and reducing feelings of loneliness. However, it also has disadvantages such as financial troubles, differences in lifestyles, and difficulty in maintaining privacy. If relationships deteriorate, there is a risk that the friendship may be ruined.

To make a successful share house with friends, it is important to clearly decide on the rules for managing finances, dividing up household chores, and living together, and to respect each other's values. Choosing a compatible partner is also key to a comfortable shared life.

It is important to understand the difference between room sharing and a shared house and choose the type of housing that suits you. By making careful preparations and creating rules, and avoiding trouble, you will be able to enjoy life in a shared house comfortably.

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